Friday, September 25, 2015

This Open Letter to TV Tropes

Dear TV Tropes,

You've destroyed me. I hope you're happy. You seemed so nice at first, offering me a fresh take on my favorite pop culture. But it's clear to me now what you are. You've baited the trap so perfectly. Just one more little link, just one more page, and suddenly my productivity is gone. It's all gone.

Even when I get away from you, I can't fully escape. I could be on a completely different website, minding my own business, when a stray link brings me back. Suddenly I'm right back in, reading about breaking the fourth wall, being genre savvy, and not being able to get away with anything. Just as I can't get away from you.

But now I realize that it's worse than simply losing all my productivity. It's more than returning to your site again and again like a moth to a flame. Now I'm part of the problem. I've become infected. I'm a carrier, and I'm helping bring in new victims, new flesh for you to feast upon. I send people to their doom and I don't even know I'm doing it.

I always knew that I'd be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse. I just didn't realize that it's already started. You've doomed us all. DOOMED! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to read up on Ted McGinley.

Your enslaved servant,

Charles B. French

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