Sunday, May 19, 2013

This Open Letter to the Used Game Sticker I Can't Fully Peel Off

Dear used game sticker I can't fully peel off,

Can't you get the hint? You are no longer wanted here. You've served your purpose, alerting me that you are a much cheaper version of a game I want. You have allowed me to not only get a game for a much cheaper price, but ensure that this transaction doesn't put a cent in the hands of game companies who refuse to release a 'Greatest Hits' version of the game. You did exactly as you were told, and I commend you for it.

But now it's time to go. You just can't let go. I try to peel you off, but what I get is that white under-sticker residue that tenaciously clings to the game. I can't have that. I need you to smoothly peel off and be like you were never there. I need to remove your presence from my life, and I need you gone yesterday.  It's nothing personal, I just don't want you ruining the aesthetics of my game collection.

Hey, I'm not trying to act like I don't buy used games. That's just not the case at all. I love buying used games. I just got a Playstation 3 and I am going to enjoy the next few years' worth of used games for the soon-to-be defunct console. I am an avowed used game buyer, so it's not about shame over where my games come from. I just don't want my cases to look tacky.

When I look at my game collection, I want to see a row of titles sitting snugly in their cases. What I don't want to see is a bunch of stickers ruining the view. It's hard to appreciate my collection when I have to put up with you. But it's even worse when you are only half gone, when you leave a little reminder of yourself before you leave.

Is that really how you want to go out? Have some some dignity and know when it's time to retire. I don't need some sticker remnant hanging around, causing my game cases to stick together and otherwise making a nuisance of itself.

I get that you're upset that you weren't a "New" sticker, that you were relegated to the retail B-Team of used merchandise. But there's no shame in that. Used and secondhand purchases make up a vital part of the American economy. Without you, thousands upon thousands of people would be out of a job. You allow people to make a living, and what better purpose is there?

Embrace who you are, and give up this passive-aggressive exercise of lashing out. Once the item is purchased, your work is done, you have fulfilled your destiny. You are a hero, and like all heroes, you need to know when it's time to ride off into the sunset. Don't overstay your welcome, and don't leave a mess for others to deal with. Just come away clean and exit with dignity. We will always be grateful, but you need to move on.

Gratefully yours,

Charles B. French

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