This Relationship Corner: A History of Bad Relationships

I'm a big believer that your first bad relationship should be considered a mulligan. It shouldn't be held against you, because we're all entitled to a relationship mistake. When we're starting out in life, we don't have a lot of direct experience that tells us whether this friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, is actually a horrible person who we need to keep the hell away from. Sometimes we don't even realize that we're in a bad relationship until we get out of it, or when we catch a glimpse of someone else's good relationship and see what we're missing. It can be an eye-opening experience and might make us more cautious or wary about future relationships.

That's why this first bad relationship shouldn't be held against us. We had no idea what was going on. However, when we have a second, third, or a long string of bad relationships, that's another matter entirely. Then, I hate to say it, we don't get off the hook so easily. We bear a lot of responsibility for these bad relationships for one simple reason: we are the common denominator in all our bad relationships.

Today, I'm going to address this history of bad relationships. We're going to explore what we need to understand about what's going on and how we can right the course of our relationship history.

This Relationship Corner: Deal-Breakers and Details

Let’s talk about lists. No, I don’t mean jousting, although that isn’t a terrible metaphor. No, I’m talking about the lists we have about our ideal mate. (If you’re already in a relationship, I’m hoping that your list is your mate. If it isn’t, don’t leave it around for them to find; that’s worse than printing out a resume at work.)

There are two pitfalls when it comes to lists, and they both have to do with dealbreakers. The first pitfall is not having any dealbreakers. This can be a problem, because not being picky enough is how you end up being the getaway driver in a series of cross-country bank heists. You need standards, and you need to respect yourself enough to demand them from others. Don’t be afraid to turn down potential relationships because of a dealbreaker. That’s one of the reasons people have a string of bad relationships – they have no standards and then wonder why every person they’ve dated is terrible.

This Relationship Corner: Being Ready for a Relationship

My wife complained that for a blog about writing, I talk too much about pop culture.  So today, I thought I would take a look at one of my other passions, relationships.  I talk a lot about relationships of all kinds in my communications classes, but mostly romantic relationships, and I enjoy passing on my meager wisdom in these Dr. Phil moments. 

To be fair, I hardly know everything about relationships. I'm still figuring them out myself, and I make just as many mistakes as anyone else (as my wife will attest.) However, I'd like to think that I do have something to offer regarding relationships. And if you happen to be someone like me, an introvert, geek, gamer, owner of the Technical Manual for the USS Enterprise NCC 1701-D, then hopefully I can help you out with what I know.

Today's topic is you. Before you can even think about getting into a long-term romantic relationship, you first need to look at yourself. You need to make sure that you're ready for a relationship, because unless you get yourself ready, it's going to be very, very difficult to find someone, let alone maintain a relationship.