Friday, November 11, 2011

Sunday Morning Runway

Sunday Morning Runway
By Charles B. French

It’s so easy to forget what church is really supposed to be, and who we are supposed to be there to follow. 
Reference Verses: Luke 9:23-26

Characters: Jim is the announcer and Steve is the color commentator. The announcers sit at a table wearing headphones, talking into microphones. They look past the audience at the “runway.”

Jim and Steve are chatting to themselves and check their notes. At the same time, they look up and begin their program.

Jim: Welcome once again to the Sunday Morning Runway.

Steve: And it is a lovely morning at that. Everyone is dressed in their finery and looking forward to another morning of entering and leaving church.

Jim: And before I forget I do have one announcement. Remember that tonight is the black tie only gala to benefit the hungry and homeless.

Steve: That’s right. If you do plan on giving to help those less fortunate, make sure you attend so that we all know who you are. Well, it looks like we are ready to get underway.

Jim: Our first entrant is Maxwell Lockhart, his wife Louetta, and their children Marcus and Lillian. Maxwell is in a tailor-made suit and Louetta, for the eighth week in a row, is wearing an all-new designer dress. Their children, as always, are dressed up with a suit for Marcus and it looks like Lillian also has a new dress.

Steve: Yes, indeed, the Lockharts are the perfect family, and who wouldn’t envy a family that looks this good coming to church. You know these are people worthy of your respect and attention.

Jim: You know, I believe that Maxwell was just selected as the head of the Deacon committee.

Steve: A fine choice. Based on his entrance today, I can say without a doubt that you would be hard pressed to find a man with better character, leadership, and commitment. A man dressed in a suit like his will never lead you astray.

Jim: Not to mention being a good father. I hear nothing but wonderful things about his children.

Steve: Absolutely. These children should serve as an example to their peers. Being well dressed at church signifies they are bastions of good character and reflect well on their parents. You know, you can always tell the good kids from the bad ones by how dressed up they are. It never fails.

Jim: Right you are. Now we have Greg Powers. He’s wearing his power suit, power shoes, and power tie.

Steve: You know, funny thing about Greg is Powers is not his original last name. He had it changed to sound more powerful.

Jim: Well, he definitely holds himself like a man of power.

Steve: Absolutely. You know, if they found a way to make a tool belt for power tools a suit accessory, you know Greg would be the first person wearing it.

Jim: Greg is now approaching his seat, exchanging powerful handshakes with other people he considers powerful.

Steve: And really, that’s why he’s here. Greg knows that this is the place to go to mix with the other powerful elite.

Jim: And before he takes his seat he gives a courtesy nod to the pastor.

Steve: Greg also knows that you can’t go to church and totally ignore the pastor, at least not until the sermon.

Jim: Now, up next we have Miss Stephanie Stapleton, in a lovely new dress with a matching hat and matching Bible.

Steve: Miss Stapleton really knows how to accessorize. Her hat says that she is a creature of beauty and looking for Mister Right, provided Mister Right is a good churchgoer with a large pocketbook, because,
really, what else do you need?

Jim: Don’t forget that Bible, accenting her ensemble perfectly.

Steve: You better believe it. If there’s anything Miss Stapleton knows about the Bible it is how to match it to her outfit. And the secret to the excellent condition of her Bible is never opening it. 

Jim: Good advice for us all. Following Miss Stapleton we have Jeremy Anderson, a college student in a designer shirt and tie with a well coordinated set of slacks and shoes.

Steve: Don’t let the dressed down look fool you. Jeremy is an up and comer who spends his time going on mission trips and service projects in the community to enhance his resume for future employers.

Jim: Nothing works better for a resume than a record of community service.

Steve: Absolutely, and I think we should follow Mr. Anderson’s example of always getting documentation for every service project he does. That way he has an exact number of hours for easy reference. The last thing you want is to be unable to tell people how many hours of service you work per week.

Jim: It’s all about the details. Up next we have, wait, who’s that guy? (checking his notes) He’s not on the program.

Steve: Is he here in his work clothes? They’re filthy. It’s like he walked in off the street.

Jim: He looks like some sort of carpenter.

Steve: Carpenter or no, he is clearly not appropriately dressed for church. (shouting) Hey, you can’t come in here like that!

Jim: He’s ignoring you.

Steve: He acts like he own this place. And what’s that he’s carrying?

Jim: Looks like a large wooden cross.

Steve: Well, not only does it not go with his shoes, but it’s just covered with grime. (shouts) Hey, don’t bring that in here. This is a church!

Jim: Is that thing supposed to be some kind of political statement?

Steve: I don’t know what it means.

Jim: Who’s he talking to?

Steve: Apparently anyone who’ll listen. (shouts) Hey! They don’t want to talk to you.

Jim: Look, he is clearly disrupting the service, and we can’t have him here.

Steve: (shouts) Hey, you’re going to have to leave. You’re not welcome here. Yeah, you heard what I said. Get out. We have a lot of respectable people here and the last thing they want to do is associate with you.

Jim: Good, he appears to be…great, now what? (laughs) Does he actually expect anyone to follow him? (shouts) Stop wasting your time. They’re not going to follow you.

Steve: (shouts) I don’t know who you are, but in this church we don’t follow people like you. Beat it.

Jim: There he goes. You know, I do feel a bit sorry for the guy. He probably just walked into the wrong church by mistake.

Steve: Was he looking for someone?

Jim: Who knows? Anyway, that wraps up another edition of the Sunday Morning Runway. I hope you’re ready for a great service, and don’t worry, we’ll make sure that this strange cross-carrying carpenter never bothers any of you again.

Steve: Enjoy the service.
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Sunday Morning Runway Copyright © 2011 Charles B. French. All Rights Reserved.
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