This Open Letter to the Spider in my Car

Dear spider in my car,

I won't ask how you got into my car. You are an engine of pure evil and hate, forged from my every nightmare, of course you'd get in there. I should be asking what took you so long to find me in one of my most vulnerable spots. It's the perfect place for an assassination attempt, which is why I presume you were there. I'm in traffic, belted to the seat, a literal captive audience. What about that setup isn't perfect for you?

Was it too easy? Did you find the lack of challenge boring? Because let me tell you, my terror was real. I pride myself on making sure that my face is not within four feet of any live spider. To see you crawling around on my visor was not what I expected when I flipped it down to shade my eyes. I was expecting to see better without the sun in my eyes. And I did. I saw all too clearly the terror that skitters on eight legs.

Advantage: Print Books

I fully recognize that e-books are the wave of the future. In fact, I'm doing my best to embrace this wave. However, just because I'm not fighting the inevitable doesn't mean that I'll always love print books. For me, there's nothing better than holding a book in my hand and knowing one thing for certain.

I have no problem killing a spider with this thing.

All right, print books are useful for more than spider killing, but I consider that a pretty good perk. When you hold a Nook or a Kindle, the last thing you will do is use your expensive new toy to send that spider back to Hell. No, you will carefully put it down and then go look for something to kill that spider. By then, your eight-legged tormenter won't be where you left her and you'll spend your night hunting that walking nightmare down.