How I Met Your Mother: "Last Forever"

Quick Review: At long last, Ted finally finishes his story.

Episode Synopsis: In the series finale, Ted tells his children the conclusion to the tale of how he and their mother finally became a couple. -tvguide

Spoiler Alert. Of course, this series began with a spoiler. It's even the title of the show. You know how it ends, so why should I bother with a spoiler warning? Am I irrationally clinging to tradition? Am I trying to make my reviews seem more important than they are? Do I really like writing in bolded, red font? Perhaps. But the truth is that all we know is the end result: Ted meets The Mother. We don't know the "How" part of the title, not completely. And if there's one episode you will forever curse yourself for getting spoiled on, it's the one you've waited nine years to see. And be careful with those curses, the last thing you want is to accidentally turn yourself into an undead horror forever cursed to stalk the night and consume the flesh of the photogenic. That would definitely put a crimp in your social life.

How I Met Your Mother: "The End of the Aisle"

Quick Review: For a big event, it's a very personal and satisfying episode.

Episode Synopsis: Half an hour before their nuptials, Barney and Robin both suffer panic attacks, while Marshall and Lily take the occasion to rewrite their original wedding vows. -tvguide

Spoiler Alert. Look, at this point in the series, do you really want to get spoiled? I know, you aren't the same viewer you were in 2005, or whenever you began watching the show. And the show is not the same as it was in 2005. That can be hard to accept, especially when the 2005 season is right at our fingertips, be it through Netflix or the DVDs on your shelf. But while it's nice to go back and relive those early days, it's important to realize that we can't live in the past. We have to accept that the show moved on, for better or worse. So what I'm saying is that this is the next to last time I've got a spoiler warning for you. Why not watch the show and then get back here. Otherwise, I'll be forced to make awful puns at you, and you will have never known such suffering. (Unless you've been through some actual suffering.)

How I Met Your Mother: Gary Blauman

Quick Review: A cute premise with great fan service

Episode Synopsis: The wedding-day arrival of enigmatic Gary Blauman throws the gang into an uproar as they all recall their various encounters with him. -tvguide

Spoiler Alert. I know, I do this every time and it probably was never neccesary. But I remain committed to warning you about the spoilers that lurk below. I will not shirk that duty, not even in my antepenultimate spoiler warning. You like that word? I like it. I'm also a fan of penultimate, and I might even use it next week. Honestly, both of those words are far too underutilized in today's society. That's not to say I haven't seen them pop up from time to time, but those instances are few and far between. I think it's time for a revival of these words. Of course, that might take some time. What will take less time is watching the episode before continuing on, in case you want to avoid being spoiled.

How I Met Your Mother: "Daisy"

Quick Review: A superb episode, finally ending one of this season's long-running plots.

Episode Synopsis: Marshall recruits Ted and Barney to help him to get to the bottom of the mystery of where Lily disappeared to when she bolted in the middle of their argument.  -tvguide

Spoiler Alert. I know, every week I keep telling you that there are spoilers ahead. And that's because these reviews are a lot like Lily - they can't keep a secret. Seriously, if it happens in the episode, there's a good chance this review will say something about it. That's why you don't want to tell this review any of your secrets, because it's going to blab them. It's a great review in many other ways, I've gotten to know them over the past 3 years, but that doesn't mean I trust it not to spoil things for you. So if you have any secrets you feel you have to get off your chest, don't tell it to my review; that information is not safe.

How I Met Your Mother: "Vesuvius"

Quick Review: A weightier episode than it seems

Episode Synopsis: Lily and Robin have a wedding-day disagreement; Barney is fit to be tied over what suit to wear; and the gang screens a film Ted told them not to watch. -tvguide

Spoiler alert. Trust me, you don't want to ignore this one. I know, you didn't ignore the spoiler alerts when you read the reviews of Doctor MD and Police Cop. That wasn't a big deal, though, because those were terrible movies. However, I know you regret getting spoiled on the big twist of White House President. Everyone was talking about how their minds were blown, but you went and spoiled yourself and had to pretend to be amazed. And now you walk around, wondering if people know you were just faking that amazement. It's a heavy burden, I know, which is why I'm telling you to think very hard about getting spoiled for this episode. I worry about you.

How I Met Your Mother: "Rally"

Quick Review: A very funny start to the final set of episodes.

Episode Synopsis: On the day of his wedding, Barney is suffering from a horrific hangover, and the gang tries to concoct a, wait for it, legendary Stinson Hangover Fixer Elixir, but finding the bizarre ingredients proves to be a challenge. -tvguide

Spoiler alert. I realize that there aren't that many of these left to give. I'm starting to get a little emotional thinking about how this is one of my last spoiler warnings. This show has really gone by in a blink. It seems like only yesterday I was reviewing season seven, and now we're on the final run of episodes. But that won't stop me from my duty of warning you that there are spoilers beyond this point, so think twice before proceeding. I'd hate for you to get depressed and go an an epic binge and then vow never to do that again. It won't be pretty.

How I Met Your Mother: "Sunrise"

Quick Review: A good theme, nice character moments, but perhaps a bit too packed.

Episode Synopsis: On the day of the wedding, a tipsy Barney goes missing, and while out searching for him, Ted and Robin recall Ted's former relationships. Meanwhile, Lily and Marshall clear up their on-going issues; and Barney imparts his women-meeting wisdom and techniques to two young wannabe ladies' men. -tvguide

Spoilers ahead, so you might want to hold off on reading this review until you watch the episode. You know, it's hard to believe that there are only seven episodes left of the series. And here you are, squandering those last moments with spoilers. Is that really how you want to end this experience, being spoiled on a fairly good episode? It's your choice, obviously, but is this a choice you're going to regret. I've seen those old yearbook pictures. Trust me, you're going to regret a few of those. Especially when your kids find them.

How I Met Your Mother: "How Your Mother Met Me."

Quick Review: One of the most hauntingly beautiful episodes of the entire series.

Episode Synopsis: Recalling what has been going with Ted's future wife over the past eight years before Robin and Barney's wedding weekend. -tvguide

Spoiler Alert. No, seriously, I mean it this time. If there is one episode of the entire series you want to watch unspoiled, this is it. I mean, you can pretty much figure out what it's going to cover by the episode title, but trust me, you have no idea what's to come. There could be a bear juggling chainsaws, and rather than be surprised by the surprise appearance of said bear, you'd know it was coming and it would ruin the surprise. That was just an example, there is no bear juggling chainsaws in this episode. It's way more awesome than that, and if you've ever seen a bear juggle chainsaws, then you know where the bar is. So yeah, please watch the episode first.

How I Met Your Mother: "Unpause"

Quick Review: A lot happens in this episode. A lot.

Episode Synopsis: After imbibing a bit too much, a woozy Barney spills some long-held secrets to the opportunistic Ted and Robin, while Marshall goes to extreme lengths to dodge a fight with Lily. -tvguide

Spoilers ahead, and seriously, seriously, there are some major things happening in this episode. You might have disregarded all my other warnings, much like you might disregard a sign reading "Beware of Ring-Bear." I understand that you might have thought all the other "spoilers" were no big deal. Trust me, tonight's different. Of course, I can't stop you. You are free to traipse along your merry way and get good and spoiled. Just remember, you can't pause your eyeballs. All right, you can pause them. You can close them, and that's pretty much like a pause. But then people will ask you why you're reading a website with your eyes closed, and won't you look silly.

How I Met Your Mother: "Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra"

Quick Review: While not the best "Slap" episode, it's still pretty good.

Episode Synopsis: In their ongoing slaphappy "Slap Bet," Marshall plans to land one final smashing blow to soon-to-be-married Barney. -tvguide


Spoilers ahead. Now, you might think yourself capable of handling what's ahead. Perhaps you think you have the strength of will to read the review and yet resist the spoilers. Fool! You lack the training, the discipline, and the fortitude that will enable you to resist the oncoming spoilers. Perhaps if you go on a quest to seek the great Spoiler Master, you will learn the ways of remaining spoiler free. But until then, know that if you proceed any further, you will be spoiled.

How I Met Your Mother: "Bass Player Wanted"

Quick Review: A very satisfying episode

Episode Synopsis: A guy at the wedding intentionally stirs up trouble among the gang; and the prodigal Marshall finally makes it to the Farhampton Inn. -tvguide

Spoilers below, so you might want to actually watch the episode before venturing further. Or not, it's entirely your choice. You could make worse choices, of course, including something that gets you arrested. They'll be slapping the handcuffs on your, and you'll think to yourself, "This is far worse than being spoiled on an episode of How I Met Your Mother." It's all about perspective.

How I Met Your Mother: "The Rehearsal Dinner"

Quick Review: A very pleasant surprise

Episode Synopsis: Barney is shooting to have the rehearsal dinner at a laser-tag venue, while Lily is upset when Ted fails to live up to a promise. -tvguide

Spoilers ahead, so be very cautious before you proceed. I know, you see "spoiler alert" and you just have to charge ahead. You must be one of those people who can't help but push that button. That big, red, flashing, shiny button. It's human nature, really. In fact, maybe it wasn't an apple in the Garden of Eden, it was a button. Adam and Eve were told not to push the button. They could do anything else but push that button. Of course, eventually, they did push the button and got kicked out of the garden. What, you wanted a spoiler alert for that? Dude, there's a statute of limitations for spoiler alerts.

How I Met Your Mother: "Bedtime Stories"

Quick Review: If this episode is viewing that you will be choosing, then you'll find it funny, clever, witty, and amusing.

Episode Synopsis: To get his restless son to go to sleep, Marshall tells him three tales in rhyme: "Mosby at the Bat," "Robin Takes the Cake" and "Barney Stinson, Player King of New York City." -tvguide

Spoilers lurk below, so beware before proceeding

Let this spoiler warning be a caution you are heeding

Once read, this information gets quite lodged into your brain

It will never go away, alas those memories will remain

So please, good reader, take a moment, think before you leap

You may think you don't care now, but later you might weep.

How I Met Your Mother: "Mom and Dad"

Quick Review: Some funny moments marred by an annoying A-plot.

Episode Synopsis: Robin is concerned about what's on Barney's mind after his father arrives at the hotel, while Ted is up in arms when one of his wedding chores doesn't go as planned and he believes he was sabotaged.-tvguide

Spoilers ahead. Look, you might not appreciate this warning. I understand. But do you know that there are people out there without spoiler warnings? They have to endure a life in which anything can be spoiled at any time. They have to either live in total sensory deprivation, or learn to cope with the fact that everything they ever love will be spoiled. So please, appreciate what you have. 

How I Met Your Mother: "Platonish"

Quick Review: Now we're back on track - a solid episode

Episode Synopsis: In flashbacks, the gang contemplates the future of the love triangle among Ted, Robin and Barney, while Lily and Robin issue a series of challenges to Barney.  -tvguide

Spoilers ahead, and if you don't want to feel so terrible about yourself that you spend the rest of your days wearing a garbage bag, you'll steer clear until after you've watched the episode. Now, you might be a bit brave, thinking that you can't be harmed by a few spoilers. Sorry to break it to you, but even the smallest spoiler can ruin your life. It doesn't even have to be a big spoiler. Just a little one. One so small that it goes unnoticed, crafty enough to sneak into the spoiler warning itself. Now, this might be a harmless spoiler, easily brushed aside. But it could be the one spoiler that manages to burrow straight into your brain and do things that even the internet finds disgusting, and you've met the internet. it takes a lot to creep that freak out.

How I Met Your Mother: "The Lighthouse"

Quick Review: While it had a few good moments, it was a big, wasted opportunity.

Episode Synopsis: Robin and Loretta's disagreement escalates, and Barney is trapped in the middle, while Marshall and Daphne discover a stowaway on their trip, and Ted takes Cassie on a date to a lighthouse.  -tvguide

Spoilers ahead, so watch yourself. You'd hate to get spoiled, especially if you plan to take a trip to a very romantic lighthouse soon after. You'd climb all those steps, get to the highest point, take a look at the incredible view, and still not be able to get over the fact that you spoiled an episode because you read the review before watching. Your whole trip will be ruined, and I can't have that on my conscience. I mean, if I am responsible for ruining your trip, I'd want it to be for something a lot better than an episode review. I do have a reputation to maintain.

How I Met Your Mother: "No Questions Asked"

Quick Review: A silly episode that comes together nicely at the end.

Episode Synopsis: Lily receives a troubling text message from Marshall's traveling companion, Daphne, so he recruits the rest of the gang to help get the message removed before his wife sees it. -tvguide

Spoilers ahead, so don't continue forward if you haven't seen the episode. Of course, whether you proceed forward is entirely up to you. I'm not the boss of you. I'm just here to offer some friendly advice and then step back so you can make your own decisions. I won't judge you, no matter where your choices take you. Even if it means dressing in a blue leotard, because if that's what you have to do, I'm behind you. I just won't be under you, because I probably lack the upper-body strength to catch you if you fall, and that's not the time you want to find out.

How I Met Your Mother: "Knight Vision"

Quick Review: This episode chose wisely

Episode Synopsis: Ted hits the dating jackpot when he gets to choose among three women as a companion for the wedding weekend, while Robin and Barney don't see eye to eye with the minister, and Marshall discovers some interesting information about his traveling companion, Daphne. -tvguide

Spoiler alert, so you'll probably want to see the episode before taking the dangerous journey below. You never know what you might face. You might have decapitating blades, perilous drops, and an invisible bridge. That's not something you want to face unprepared, even if James Bond is your father and you shot first. Of course, I can't stop you. You are free to make your choice.

How I Met Your Mother: "The Poker Game"

Quick Review: A good episode, it misses a perfect opportunity to be great.

Episode Synopsis: Barney receives family-relationship advice from Lily when Robin has a disagreement with Barney's mother and brother, while Ted and Marshall disagree over wedding gifts and thank-you-note etiquette. -tvguide

Spoilers ahead, so think twice before proceeding. Unless you've seen the episode. If you've seen the episode, then there's no real reason for you to not proceed. It's not like there's something holding you back. You should feel free to continue onward and read this review. Don't worry if you have to be at the gym for the second time today. The gym will still be there when you're done reading. Granted, this review should be here if you choose to go to the gym first, but can you really take that chance? I wouldn't.

How I Met Your Mother: "The Broken Code"

Quick Review: This series is always at its best when exploring the relationships between the characters, and this week's episode was no exception.

Episode Synopsis: Barney discovers Ted still harbors feelings for Robin and decides to hit him where it hurts, at the best-man poker game. Meanwhile, Lily comes to realize that she is Robin's only girlfriend. -tvguide

Spoiler alert. Yes, there are spoilers. I would be in violation of the code of the internet if I didn't warn you about spoilers. I'm courteous like that, a big believer in Netiquette. That's why I also don't type in ALL CAPS, because that's another violation. If you're not careful those quickly add up, and then the Elders of the Internet show up at your house. To avoid that happening, please consult the code of the internet, which can be found in many hotels next to the Gideon Bible.