Why We Need Frivolous Bad News

This was supposed to be a big week for the SimCity franchise. Instead, reports of the new installment's failed launch are burning across the internet. There are well over a thousand reviews on Amazon, most of them giving SimCity a one-star rating. It's all anyone can talk about, and it's become a huge PR nightmare for EA, the publisher. I have a feeling that this massive failure will be remembered for a very long time. Whether this becomes a failure on the scale of Atari's ET remains to be seen. While I doubt it will be that epic a failure, this is still pretty bad.

Why is this such a huge story? Is it because SimCity is such a cherished franchise? That could be part of it. Many of us grew up playing SimCity and other related Sim games. This franchise is almost as beloved as Super Mario Brothers, and people still play the older games in the series. To see a one-time giant fall is kind of a big deal.

There's also the fact that this failure is caused by a key new component of the game - you can only play the game with an active internet connection. If you can't connect to EA's servers, you can't play your game. Many gamers hated this idea, wanting the option to play offline and not have to depend on the often unreliable internet to get their SimCity Fix. They even brought this up to EA representatives and found themselves soundly ignored. So for some people, this is a heaping helping of "I told you so" mixed with Schadenfreude.

But I have another theory why this is becoming a huge news story. This is the kind of bad news that we need.

This Review of Wreck-It Ralph

Quick Review: Insert Coin as fast as possible. You need to see this movie.

Full Review: If, like me, you grew up in the arcade, feeding quarter after quarter to the likes of Donkey Kong, Q*Bert, Pac Man, Mario Brothers, and countless other arcade games, you are going to feel like this movie was made just for you. Wreck-It Ralph is a love letter to video games, arcades, and every bad guy who ever made you see the dreaded 'Game Over' screen. It also asks a very profound question: what if the bad guy doesn't want to be a bad guy anymore?

That's the premise of this film. Ralph is the villain in the arcade game Fix-It Felix Jr., which you can play right here. After thirty years of wrecking the place, he wants to be a hero for once and not be tossed out like garbage. Thus begins an amazing hero's quest as only a villain could take.

That premise right there sold me on this movie. Not just me, but also my inner eight-year old. That kid absolutely loves video games, and I knew he'd enjoy this movie. I brought him along with me to the screening so I could talk to him after it was over. As this is a film for all ages, I thought this review would be better from that perspective. This is why I've invited my inner eight year old, who I'm calling little Charlie, to help review this movie.

Never Outgrow Playing

If there's one thing that you should never, ever do, it's get too old to play. It's one of the great things about spending time with kids, you get a chance to play, use your imagination, and live in a world where the rules are whatever you want them to be. Is the floor now lava? Are we all now spies sneaking into enemy command? Does this bedsheet mean I'm a superhero?

The answer to all those questions is yes. That's what's so great about play, it lets you take a break from normal life, which is often boring, uneventful, and wears you down. Of course, as grown-ups, we still have to live that life because we like eating food that resides in refrigerators that run on the electricity we pay for. It's a complicated world, and play lets us take breaks.

This Open Letter to Battletoads

Dear Battletoads,

You probably don't remember me. I doubt you bother to learn anyone's names. To you, we're all just a bunch of faceless losers who can't get past the speeder bike level. It's been several decades and you still lord that over us. When we're old and our memories are fading, the feeling of utter crushing defeat brought about by your 8 bits of tyranny will still be as clear as day. Many of us will go to our graves wondering what was beyond that level.

This is what childhood trauma looks like

By now you must understand that you are more than another video game. You are more than a Double Dragon clone or a ripoff of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. No, you are your own entity. Like Freddy Kruger, you feed off our nightmares. Whenever we play a game, be it the latest Super Mario, Madden, Zelda, Halo, Kingdom Hearts, Fallout, or any other new or existing property, your memory is lurking in the periphery.

Getting my Money's Worth: Video Games

When any money changes hands, for either goods or services, I have to ask a simple question. Am I getting my money's worth? I absolutely hate wasting money; I want to get the proverbial bang for my buck. If I'm buying a video game, the bang is less proverbial.

You may remember the gamefly commercials portraying gamers as people so immature that they would hurl their television through a window because they bought a bad game. Really? You're marketing to a specific demographic, and you portray said demographic as every bad stereotype come to life? I get that the reality of commercials is not the reality we regular humans inhabit, but at least try to look reasonable.

My point being is that while I will not destroy my very nice television in a fit of gamer rage, I am upset if I feel like my video game experience does not live up to the price tag. Whether I spend a little or a lot, I have a simple rule for whether I judge this video game purchase to be worth it.

I get an hour of enjoyment from the game per dollar I spent.

Eight Games That Made You Want to Smash the Controller

Some games are works of wonder and beauty, and playing them reaffirms our humanity. When life is hard and stressful, those games make us forget our worries and allow us to relax, giving us a rejuvenating boost that allows us to face another day.

These are not those games. These games make our urge to kill rise just a little bit each time until we prove critics right about video games causing violence by hunting down the level designer and throttling him. Instead, though, we have to stifle those murderous urges, especially since we’re more likely to take them out on our poor controller.

The Most Well-Written Video Games of the 90′s

I started playing video games in the good old days of the NES. And after I performed the usual ritual voodoo to get the cart to work (you had to blow on it, tap it three times, and sacrifice a squirrel) I was usually treated to writing that consisted of “Thank You, Mario, but our Princess is in another castle” and “A winner is you!”

However, as the 90’s became a reality, and not just the setting for post apocalyptic movies, the writing for video games took a great quantum leap forward. We now had interesting characters, fantastic plots, and a desire to see how the story ended.